Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

- The Fray

Ninjutsu

I started taking Ninjutsu classes. It's awesome. I feel like I am doing something that no one has ever done before. I know that's weird because it's completely not true, there are plenty of Ninjas out there. It's sort of like Zach leaving me. I know that there are plenty of people who have been dumped before, but for some reason I feel like this is different.

When Dan broke up with me, I was under serious distress. However, this is much worse. The fact that Zach talks through his inner child is pretty disturbing. This child tells me that he can't work anything out with me because he can never forget what has happened this far. Hello Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Guess what, sometimes we need to break down barriers. We need to push past things that we didn't think we could do. We need to stop putting up walls because it's easier. We need to stay here, and not run away. We need to admit that sometimes we need time to work out what can only be good in the future.

We need to follow our hearts.

When you are the victim of a breakup, you can't help but wonder what the fuck is wrong with the other person. Unless you are crazy, which I am not, it is not fair to made to feel worthless, like a used piece of shit laying in a gutter. Right now I feel so worthless that I don't see a point in living. I gave everything to Zach, and he has kept it all for himself. The only thing he gave back to me was a breakup in the middle of the sidewalk on Tuesday night.

I hope he figures out what is wrong. Since he cashed out on our relationship, he has gotten back into his old self-destructive patterns. He will just go do this to someone else out there. Some poor girl will think he's fun, charismatic and smart. He'll tell her that she's wonderful, the best thing that's ever happened to him. Then he'll use her and leave her hanging out to dry. It's very sad, and I hope to God he doesn't date anyone again.

I have had to make a multitude of very difficult decisions for a 22 year old. After this semester, I will have dropped out of a University twice. Twice. Twice seems like a huge number considering most people stay at a University for 4+ years, or never attend one at all. So do I consider myself lucky that I have had the privilege of attending all of these schools? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Reminder to self: I have also attended five different Universities/Colleges. Five.

I am happy to be finally free of the neverending chain of schooling that I was to endure, had I stayed in my program. Though it is not final yet, I can pretty much guarantee that I will be remarkably more happy. Though it is scary to think about a "real" job, I feel like I will find this more satisfying. I hate having to worry about money and though I doubt any entry level position I will find will have a kick ass salary, it will be enough money for me to make it through this time in my life.

Hopefully, things will get better and not worse...but who the hell knows anything anymore, right?