Eh?

I have been doing a lot of thinking about expectations lately. Recently, I made a list of everything I want in my life. Everything I want in relationships, friendships, and career. I have been thinking about the circles of life, choices we make, how we are affected, how we affect other people. It is really confusing, and completely emotionally draining. Since making my list, I have been guarded, ears open, eyes alert. I have been watching everyone's moves, wondering what their motivation is for making these moves. This goes for everyone I know...I have been observing you.

Sometimes though we do things that are hurtful, we feel these choices will help us in the long run. The funny thing about making a choice and then following through with it is that once it's done, it's done, we can't take it back. I think sometimes we have to let go of certain areas in our life so that we can move on to others. And we need to reevaluate our friendships, relationships and career goals. Do we need to have certain people in our lives? Are they that important to us? The truth is - some of them are and some of them are not. This is extremely hard to face. It can take tragedy to make us realize that this is the truth.

I think sometimes we keep someone around because they fill a void that you think you need them to fill and we are too afraid to let them go. We could probably do things more simply on our own. We need to evaluate whether or not having these relationships is enhancing our lives or creating more stress. I suppose it is always safer to be on our own - never to get hurt by anyone else, never to share pain or angst with anyone else, completely cut off from sharing your life with another.

But what is the point in that? You would never be able to have any adventures.

I even broke down my Christmas list (yes I make a Christmas list) into categories. Realistic, Semi-Realistic, Unrealistic. I have been doing this with my own expectations and wants, sorting them out visually so that I can possibly separate them emotionally as well. So far it has been working. Kudos to me :)