Fucking Petrified

I have never been more scared in my life.

That being said, I feel good about myself. Confused? Me too.

I have made some HUGE personal growth steps recently that I feel really awesome about - however, I really put myself out there, and now it could all come tumbling down on top of me. Now, as humans, I feel that we all want to get what we want, right? Of course we do.

In my almost 23 years of life, I don't feel like I have genuinely "wanted" many things. I wanted my Intel research to do well, which it did. I wanted to graduate with honors in college, which I did not. I wanted to get into physical therapy school, which I did not. I wanted to finish my novel, which I have not yet done. These are the things I feel like I have genuinely wanted...aside from relationships (because we all know that you have very little "control" over those kinds of things.) Anyway, I guess that we can all have a long list of wants...and it's possible that we never get them. Life's not fair. And that's the truth.

For the first time since my sophomore year of college, I am proud of myself. I listened to what my own NEEDS were...I put my wants out on a limb, full well knowing that they may not be realized. I am putting my selfish wants aside, and taking care of myself by understanding what I need. Holy shit. I am scared to death.