"It's a Christmas Tree."
"Who are you, Linus?"
"Yes, yes I am. I carry with me the true meaning of Christmas."
(Studio 60) God bless you, Matthew Perry.
Here's the thing: I'm sad. That's the long and short of it.
It's almost my birthday. I've started to get sad about it instead of excited. Boo.
I keep passing parking lots full of "Christmas Trees for Sale" signs. Boo to that too. I was really fucking excited about having a Christmas tree with Zach. Our first little Christmas together that we'd spend alone with our dog, no family bullshit. I mean, we'd visit our families soon after Christmas or maybe a little before, but on Christmas day we'd sleep in and exchange gifts with each other and cuddle and watch Christmas movies and make brunch. I had a whole vision of us decorating our tiny house with cute decorations and perfect ornaments for our tiny tree; in my dreams, it's awesome. I felt bad telling Zach because he never could make plans ahead of time because of work. Now I feel worse because it's actually not happening. Maybe that's a fantasy, but adorable couples do actually do those kinds of things. Man, this sucks. I suppose I could get my own little Christmas tree, which I might do, but still, that's not the point.
Ok, Ok...A lot of fantastic things have happened too. I made great personal choices, which is great. I stood up for what I want and I've stuck to that. I finished packaging all of my manuscripts, signed and sealed. Delivered tomorrow, I have to take them to the post-office. The stack of manila packaging is quite daunting. It was weird, I couldn't stop proofing my story, I read it a thousand times. I read my cover letters a thousand times. I checked the inside of the envelopes a thousand times. I shouldn't be nervous, I realize my chances of being published are slim to none, I guess it's kind of cool, I'm actually sending my shit to publishers! Woot! I'm also almost done Christmas shopping, awesome. I had a TON of presents to buy this year. My friends have been really special in the past few months with my situation and so I went out of my way to make sure I got everyone special gifts. Special gifts for special people. I think it's a little silly, buying presents to show I care, but I really wanted to celebrate my friends. I tink I dun goooood...so I'm happy, I hope everyone else will be! Plus I think I have some fun plans with Ryan and Nanette this weekend, hopefully that will work out, because I'm pretty excited to see Nanette's puppy :)
So I guess it's not all bad. Just different. I'm still sad, but I suppose I can be fine with different.
"I've been married twice before and I'm a recovering cocaine addict. No woman's dream for a father. But I think I'm falling in love with you. So if you want to get a head start, you better start running now. I'm coming for you, Jordan."
Studio 60 was awesome tonight.
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
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